Symptoms

There are times I feel like shits.

Day by day passing by, I feel like I'm okay.

How not meeting people and not interacting with others making me triggered.

Trying not to seeing others' post, trying not to post anything unrelated making it more obvious.

Oh I thought I can handle it. But it triggers me more.

I was holding up my feelings, my tears, my deep inside thoughts.

Because I wish I can hide it from everyone.

But I cannot lie my heart because my mind keep denying it.

Trying to keep positive.

Trying to do positive things.

Trying not to thinking bad.

Trying not to do any triggered actions.

But I lied.

Lied to myself about my own condition.

Oh I thought I can handle.

But I also know I couldn't.

Is this the true symptoms that I'm showing?

Do I really feel anxious to thing that I shouldn't?

Do I wanting it to be this way?

Do I really feel like hiding things from everyone will heal it?

I don't want others to see me being pathetic.

I don't want others to see me being so blue.

I don't want others to see me as a crybaby.

But deep inside, I feel tortured.

I feel like I'm faking myself.

Because I don't want other to see me as extra expressive person.

Because I think that was bad?

I'm tired of trying.

I'm effin tired of faking.

I'm damn so tired of hiding.

I wish people can understand it more.

I wish people can give me more.

I wish people can wish me more.

I never stop praying.

That I'll be good someday.

Oh I thought I was okay?

Because I'm not showing any symptoms anymore?

I never stop praying.

That I'll be good some good day.

Oh I thought I'll be okay?

Say no more, locking it myself worse it more.

I never stop praying.

That Lord will make me peace.

Again.